GG Chat!

Dan of As Little As Possible and I had a GChat for the duration of the Golden Globes last night. I was really cranky because I've been sick for about a gazillion days, too sick to move or bone my boyfriend, and the crankier I am the funnier, apparently. Actually, this makes sense: think about the most depressed person you know. Aren't they kind of hilar? Like, don't you kind of hope they never start taking anti-depressants, just so they can stay bitter and snarky? So yeah. Some highlights:

me: jeremy piven, shouldn't you be in bed with your MERCURY POISONING

Danny: HAHAHA

me: he's such a fake faker

word in NYC is that he just wanted out of his play

keep saying clever stuff so i can make this my golden globes blog post

Danny: he's a loser

i will

i just talked to wilkinson on the phone last week

he's a cool guy

me: did you ask him how the scenery tasted in "in the bedroom"?


re: Anna Paquin on True Blood

me: she is so terrible on a terrible show

Danny: is she really that bad?

me: yes

like she forgot how to act

the only good thing about that show is the theme song

Danny: i heard there's nudity, though

so i want to see it

me: its seriously unbearable

and i love vampires

that's how bad it is

Danny: i heard it was good

hmm

i want to see the sex

me:yeah so true blood, every episode is like "VAMPIRES ARE A METAPHOR FOR OPPRESSED MINORITIES JUST IN CASE YOU FORGOT"

and the southern accents are so so bad

and the writing

that show is like

alan ball forgot how to write, and anna paquin forgot how to act

Danny: ouch

me: more like TRUE AMNESIA

Danny: well i won't rush it to the netflix

or TRUE--*FALSE*

me: brad pitt looks like "i... don't... understand"

he's dumb as a wallDanny: is he?

me:

so i hear

come on, can't you imagine how easily angelina manipulates him

and he's just like, earnestly, "Yeah, that sounds super fun!"

then he has seven kids

Danny: ha!

me: what terrible timing for "confessions of a shopaholic"

Danny: i know right

me: haha i'm glad

i hate movies like that

sex and the city too

Danny: i just communicated your comment to the room and people laughed

i laughed

me: CONSUUUUUUUUUUUME

WOMEN LIKE TO CONSUMMMMMME

haha yah

Danny: i just consumed the shit out of some pasta

Danny: OH MY GOD JESSICA LANGE'S FACE?

Danny: did she come straight from a housefire??

me: this guy doesn't do it for me

gerard butler

Danny: weird voice

me: although i'm always impressed by scottish accents

because they seem hard to have

Danny: yeah

and baldwin's not funny in the speech?

how can that be

boring

me: yeah boo

be funny

you're all performing seals

award = fish

balance a ball on your nose at least

Danny:

what would you do if you won an award like that?

me: probably shove the award up my butt


re: Jeanette's attraction to Paul Giamatti:

Danny: like, does she want to bone him?

is she sexually attracted to him?

me: she really is

Danny: like she imagines herself having sex with him?

me: yes

Danny: how is that

how does that come to be

me: i think there's a last minute mutation in the womb


re: Clint Eastwood watching Steven Spielberg's speech:

me: clint's like, shut this guy up. i want to get back to work.

me: he's such a machine!

Danny: clint's like, "i have pieces of guys like him in my stool"

me: hahahahahahahhaa


More Clint:

me: spike lee was complaining that flags of our fathers should have had black characters

and basically accused him of racism

Danny: ah

me: and clint's response was, "a guy like that should shut his face"

Danny: seriously???

phenom

me: yeah i know

did you see gran torino

Danny: no but i want to

me: its so great, seriously

Danny: subtitle "Get off My Lawn"

Danny: well the show really picked up at the end

me: i guessssDanny: fleh