Monday, January 12, 2009

GG Chat!

Dan of As Little As Possible and I had a GChat for the duration of the Golden Globes last night. I was really cranky because I've been sick for about a gazillion days, too sick to move or bone my boyfriend, and the crankier I am the funnier, apparently. Actually, this makes sense: think about the most depressed person you know. Aren't they kind of hilar? Like, don't you kind of hope they never start taking anti-depressants, just so they can stay bitter and snarky? So yeah. Some highlights:

me: jeremy piven, shouldn't you be in bed with your MERCURY POISONING
Danny: HAHAHA
me: he's such a fake faker
word in NYC is that he just wanted out of his play
keep saying clever stuff so i can make this my golden globes blog post
Danny: he's a loser
i will
i just talked to wilkinson on the phone last week
he's a cool guy
me: did you ask him how the scenery tasted in "in the bedroom"?


re: Anna Paquin on True Blood

me: she is so terrible on a terrible show
Danny: is she really that bad?
me: yes
like she forgot how to act
the only good thing about that show is the theme song
Danny: i heard there's nudity, though
so i want to see it
me: its seriously unbearable
and i love vampires
that's how bad it is
Danny: i heard it was good
hmm
i want to see the sex
me:yeah so true blood, every episode is like "VAMPIRES ARE A METAPHOR FOR OPPRESSED MINORITIES JUST IN CASE YOU FORGOT"
and the southern accents are so so bad
and the writing
that show is like
alan ball forgot how to write, and anna paquin forgot how to act
Danny: ouch
me: more like TRUE AMNESIA
Danny: well i won't rush it to the netflix
or TRUE--*FALSE*


me: brad pitt looks like "i... don't... understand"
he's dumb as a wallDanny: is he?
me:
so i hear
come on, can't you imagine how easily angelina manipulates him
and he's just like, earnestly, "Yeah, that sounds super fun!"
then he has seven kids
Danny: ha!


me: what terrible timing for "confessions of a shopaholic"
Danny: i know right
me: haha i'm glad
i hate movies like that
sex and the city too
Danny: i just communicated your comment to the room and people laughed
i laughed
me: CONSUUUUUUUUUUUME
WOMEN LIKE TO CONSUMMMMMME
haha yah
Danny: i just consumed the shit out of some pasta

Danny: OH MY GOD JESSICA LANGE'S FACE?
Danny: did she come straight from a housefire??

me: this guy doesn't do it for me
gerard butler
Danny: weird voice
me: although i'm always impressed by scottish accents
because they seem hard to have

Danny: yeah
and baldwin's not funny in the speech?
how can that be
boring
me: yeah boo
be funny
you're all performing seals
award = fish
balance a ball on your nose at least
Danny:
what would you do if you won an award like that?
me: probably shove the award up my butt


re: Jeanette's attraction to Paul Giamatti:

Danny: like, does she want to bone him?
is she sexually attracted to him?
me: she really is
Danny: like she imagines herself having sex with him?
me: yes
Danny: how is that
how does that come to be
me: i think there's a last minute mutation in the womb


re: Clint Eastwood watching Steven Spielberg's speech:

me: clint's like, shut this guy up. i want to get back to work.
me: he's such a machine!
Danny: clint's like, "i have pieces of guys like him in my stool"
me: hahahahahahahhaa


More Clint:

me: spike lee was complaining that flags of our fathers should have had black characters
and basically accused him of racism
Danny: ah
me: and clint's response was, "a guy like that should shut his face"
Danny: seriously???
phenom
me: yeah i know
did you see gran torino
Danny: no but i want to
me: its so great, seriously
Danny: subtitle "Get off My Lawn"


Danny: well the show really picked up at the end
me: i guessssDanny: fleh



4 comments:

Jeanette said...

I'm sick of defending it. Accept it or don't be my friend, guys.

Vivian said...

You are pretty drastically bitter in this post, haha. Get well soon. (Or NEVER, for humor's sake!)

Jeanette's Mother said...

Please leave my womb out of this - Jeanette's gestation was nothing less than perfection.

Rebecca said...

I love that your mom comments on this blog