Lostie in Trouble

Henry Ian Cusick, who plays Desmond on Lost, is being sued by a former ABC employee for sexual harassment.

According to the employee, Cusick "allegedly squeezed and placed his face on the plaintiff's breasts, kissed her on the mouth, and caressed the back of her body while making moaning sounds."

Lovely! I assume he gave a muffled shout from betwixt the victim's decolletage that "I'M DOING IT FOR MY HONOR, PENNAY!"

But seriously folks, it's well-known that Michelle Rodriguez and Cynthia Watros were both booted from the show some seasons ago because they were arrested for drunk driving. If Lost has such a stringent zero-tolerance policy, I hope they apply it to Cusick as well. I admit this is mostly because I find his character extremely irritating and unnecessary, not because I have a soul.

In fact, just to illustrate how awful I am, here's a GChat I had with Jeanette about this:

me: is it wrong that i find the description of the harassment kind of hilarious
Jeanette: ummm anyone who does anything like that without anything that can be construed as consent
is the man
me: hahahah seriously
like just shoving his face in her boobs
hilar
Jeanette: boobs are so great, I get it
me: i think so too
ive had the urge many times to burrow into yours without your consent
wait what
Jeanette: DO IT
me: NEXT TIME I SEE YOU
ITS BOOB SCUBA

Boob Tubers Endorsement for Treasury Secretary

Suze Orman, of course! Not only to add a lesbian to the currently exclusively black-and-Jew administration, but because she's, uh, AWESOME!?!

Just think of the possibilities...

Obama: We need to establish a program that will pump funds into higher education.
Orman: Show me the money! Show me the money.
Obama: Well, we're trillions in debt, but young people can't afford coll-
Orman: You have shame and you have blame. How are you going to pay for this?
Obama: Um, I was going to go to the Education House Committee...
Orman: DENIED! Denied, denied, denied. Plant some flowers instead.
Obama: Wha...?
Biden: I have a question.
Orman: Shoot, J-man.
Biden: Can I afford $5,000 hair plugs?
Orman: SHOW ME THE MONEY!
Obama: I am a poor judge of character.

Why Hello There, BBC America

I have taken time out of looking at the non-ironic facebook photo albums of casual friends featuring the New Kids on the Block concert of a few days ago to check in here at boobtuber land.

Firstly, tune in tonight for Barack O'Bama's "fireside chat"-esque, unprecedented 1/2 hour of airtime he purchased on network TV. I am assuming that he will give me a shout out at least once, since I did give him $15. If you like McCain and/or pie more, ABC is keeping it real and sticking with Pushing Daisies for the 8 PM hour. Apparently, as Marissa informed us, keeping Pushing Daisies on the air is our second most important civic duty these days, so either way and your 8 PM television slot should be productive.

Here is what SNL imagined Barack's broadcast will be like, and I hope they're right:


Secondly, after that love fest, inquiring minds should tune into BBC America at 9 PM for Britain's Youngest Grannies, a documentary that promises to look into the lives of 30 something women who themselves had children early, and are now faced with the prospect of grandmotherhood! BBC America has shared a couple of these doc series with us. I most recently watched The 34 Stone Teenager. It's just so funny to watch these staples of American white trashiness coming to a new and untainted nation and being treated as an anomaly. We're like their dirty, grimy, look into your socioeconomic future mirror over the pond, and not even using hoity toity words like stone can change that. Ha!

HBO Whitewashes "Wounded Knee"

The trailers for HBO's upcoming film "Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee," based on the nonfiction book by Dee Brown that became a bestseller in the 1970s, make it look quite promising. But according to an article in the NY Times, there will be inaccuracies aplenty in this made-for-TV interpretation.

The book, which I haven't read, is apparently an anecdotal retelling of the persecution of the Sioux in the late 19th century, focusing entirely on the American Indians' perspective. The movie, on the other hand, greatly enlarges the role of a half-Sioux, half-white character, sticking him in places where he never went, and giving him a fictional, white love interest. The film's creators are doing this because they believe today's white audiences won't watch a Wounded Knee adaptation unless there are some palefaces for them to latch onto.

Quoth the Times:

“Everyone felt very strongly that we needed a white character or a part-white, part-Indian character to carry a contemporary white audience through this project,” Daniel Giat, the writer who adapted the book for HBO Films, told a group of television writers earlier this year.

This doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Considering that this book was a blockbuster hit to audiences THIRTY YEARS AGO, what makes the HBO folks think that viewers can't handle an all-American Indian cast today?

I'm fine with some tweaking of history if it's for discernible aesthetic or entertainment value. HBO did just this with Deadwood and Rome to great effect. But the idea that the story needs to be whitewashed to get good ratings just doesn't sit well with me.

Another perspective, from the article again:

Nicolas Proctor, Mr. Brown’s grandson and one of three people who oversees his estate, as well as an associate professor of history at Simpson College in Iowa, said that as a historian he was “always kind of shocked that history is not moving enough, is not evocative enough and rich enough to keep people from having to get in there and start monkeying around with it.”

What do you think, commenters? Was this a necessary move on HBO's part?

The Today Show, Awareness Tubers, and Vagina, 3/9/07

Don't know if you've heard about this story, but earlier this week three juniors at John Jay High school in Cross River, New York were suspended for saying 'vagina' during an open mic night. The girls were performing a piece from Eve Ensler's The Vagina Monologues, and had been told ahead of time by the school's principal to take the line about their boxes out.

As a result the girl's were suspended, and appeared this morning on The Today Show with some sort of school official and Eve Ensler herself. Their suspension is under consideration by the superintendent, especially in light of the fact that there were students using actual "curse words," if you will, and faced no punishment.

I'm going to go ahead and say that these girls shouldn't be suspended; they should be expelled. Not because Vagina is an inappropriate word. I totally went into my take back the night, college mode re: this issue and agree with Ensler's assessment that we shouldn't be forced to be ashamed of our bearded clams by an opressive male hegemony.

I think these girls should get the boot because they are...horrible, HORRIBLE actresses/public speakers. Today, sitting across from Meredith on the couch, their big break came. They were asked to deliver the controversial line. In unison, they sounded like my second grade Catholic school class reciting times tables. They could have gotten a walk on role on The Hills out of this if they managed to muster up some sort of talent. Now all they'll get is Smith's dream of what a college entrance essay should be.

I hope this helps others see exactly twat the real issue here is.

ANNA NICOLE SMITH - DEAD

Former Playmate / Trim Spa Spokeswoman / Train Wreck Anna Nicole Smith has died after collapsing in her hotel room, report various scavenging media outlets.

What's more, news of this is already up on Wikipedia. Moments ago the article included a statement that Smith's boyfriend / possible baby-daddy Howard Stern had murdered her, but that appears to have been taken down.

Gawker, with its infinite resources as a blogging juggernaut, has a record of the graffiti'ed Wiki article.

Potential zingers over this news item abound, but let's take a moment to remember what awesome television The Anna Nicole Show was. That show was like a weekly dose of pure, uncut Schadenfreude.

Does anyone ever feel like the world is so weird that we must live on some alternate version of Earth, rather than actual Earth?

Daniel Radcliffe is the stupidest human being alive

OK, I know this isn't about television or David Langlieb, but it would be so wrong to let this story pass by.

USA Today published new photos from the upcoming movie, Harry Potter and the E Street Band -- I mean, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Each shot is accompanied by quotes from the cast members, and the titular hero himself offered this little gem of wisdom:

"Harry had been through so much because of him, and yet no one was believing him that Voldemort was back," said Radcliffe. "It made me think of how Holocaust survivors must feel about Holocaust denial."

Yup, he's dead on. A fictional teenage wizard would be devastated by those who didn't take his word about the return of the Dark Lord, as devastated as an Auschwitz survivor would feel if people denied that he'd been robbed of his home, starved, forced to labor outdoors without pay for several years, and witnessed the murder of his entire family. It's pretty much the same thing.

I say we should make ALL our children quit school and get occasional on-set lessons from tutors to movie stars. That brand of education leads to great sound bites!

Awareness Tubers: UCLA Student Mostafa Tabatabainejad Unfairly Tasered

Ever since Langlieb Gate '06, Alanna and I have marveled about how a jaunt into the world of current events can really up your hit counts. Maybe I should feel a little guilty for bringing this off topic event up here, but when I saw this on YouTube, I was in shock. Plus, I found it on Perez Hilton, and we easily have more substance to our blog than him, so why shouldn't I post this here (not to say I don't enjoy your sass and the way you make it look like there's cum coming out of everyone's mouths in your pictures, Perez).

Anyway, backstory is UCLA student Mostafa Tabatabainejad was studying in the library circa 11:30 PM one night earlier this week, and when he was not able to produce his university ID, the following incident occurred:



Two lessons here. One, don't be a racist asshole, cops included. I can see why the university cops would feel frustrated with their position; whenever one would give me a parking ticket for being in a "Frat Brothers Only" zone or something, I'd usually laugh and yell out "FAKE COPS" as they rolled away on their golf cart. But that doesn't mean you can TASER someone. JESUS CHRIST what were these guys even doing with any weapons. THEY ARE NOT REAL POLICE. I was legitimately touched and happy that the victim's fellow students were telling them to stop and asking for their badge numbers. I hope these guys get demoted to dining hall patrol or something.

Second lesson, someone has a camera everywhere, always. If you do something retarded, there is a huge chance it will end up on YouTube. Just last night, Alanna and Vivian were doing some very vivacious cat impersonations on my bed. If I had a camera, they would have been SCREWED for the rest of their professional lives. Don't be retarded.

Oooh, maybe our racist anonymous commentor of yore will come back in defense of the fake police.

Also, read more here.