Thursday, March 01, 2007

Thou Shalt Not Have False Idols

I hate American Idol. It's glorified karaoke. It's an overbloated juggernaut that crushes everything in its path. It pre-empts House and sends Lost scampering for a later time slot like a little bitch. It produces mediocre pop stars who don't write or compose any of their own material. It has, directly or indirectly, produced such inane phrases as "Soul Patrol" and songs like "Jesus, Take the Wheel." It prolongs the slow, painful deaths of the careers of inebriated wash-ups like Paula Abdul.

This article predicts that Lost will die after its fourth season, and the swan dive of its ratings are due in no small part to Idol. Lost ain't what it used to be, but it's still better than watching a limey make fun of autistic people who think they can sing.

To illustrate my hatred, I am going to give Sawyer-like nicknames to current Idol contestants:

Antonella Barba: Meadow Soprano
Sundance Head: The Other Farley Brother

I don't have any others because I don't watch the show and I don't know who the contestants are. But I hate them.


J.J. said...

I think Idol is pure television. Plus, it's live -- which you never see anymore outside of a sports game. I agree: It does not produce talent. But it does produce a grand stage for America's myriad psychoses. And it's all set to music. I think it's wonderful.

Patrick said...

I have nicknames, too.

Jared Cotter= Harry Potter
The bald guy= Dr. Keith
Black girl with short hair= Fantasia
Black girl with no neck= Fantasia2 or "No Neck"
Tall, young girl with curly hair= Ugly Better
Sujaya Malawar (?)= Sunjay Gupta
Sundance Head= Unfortunate Name or Captain Chest Hair
Chris Sligh= Jack Osbourne
Guy bobs back and forth when he sings= Guy who bobs when he sings

Some are more creative than others.

Alanna said...

My favorite is Sanjay Gupta because I am slightly attracted to him IRL. Jewish girls love doctors!