Saturday, March 10, 2007

The Secret ...


Have you all heard of ...The Secret? In a nutshell, ...The Secret, made available to the public in book and DVD form, preaches that the power of positive thinking can get you anything you want in life, ANYTHING. In this day and age, that tenet alone can't sell books and DVDs, but guess who can...Oprah! Oprah is swearing by this way of life, which kind of makes you wonder what she could be positively thinking for...the ability for billion dollar bills to come straight out of her ass into her platinum toilet bowl, instead of her "working" for them?

Anyway, if you actually watch ...The Secret DVD, you will notice that it has the same production value of my VHS taped eleventh grade project on The Great Depression, except my cinematography might have been a little better. The fine presentation of ...The Secret is all thanks to the work of the folks at Prime Time Productions, whose company biography I will now share with you:

Since mid 1994 Prime Time Productions has been a significant and consistently successful supplier of programming for the Seven, Nine and Ten Networks in Australia. The company to date has had several major series, the first the light entertainment family based - The World's Greatest Commercials and the second the reality/actuality based - Great Escapes. Prime Time has also branched out into the documentary field. The first program of this nature OZ Encounters - UFO's in Australia was screened on the Seven Network in November 1997. Learners a reality based docu-soap, fly-on-the-wall series aired on the Seven Network in 1999. Australia Behaving Badly, a candid camera style ethical dilemma series was made for the Ten Network. Romantic reality series Marry Me and the sequel Loves Me Loves Me Not were created for the Nine Network. Sensing Murder, a tele movie dedicated to solving unsolved murders in Australia screened initially on the Seven Network as a pilot episode, and on the Ten Network as a six part series of tele movies. Prime Time's latest production for the Nine Network is The Secret, an unprecedented worldwide event.

OH OH to be a fly on the wall during the meeting of the minds that led to the hiring of Prime Time Productions. In fact, that is EXACTLY what I want out of life. Let me positively think myself back in time and into the body of a fly...
Bzzzz....
Secret Guru 1: It is time...
Secret Guru 2: Time for what?
SG1: Why, to share our secret with the world!
SG2: YES! YES! It is getting lonely being the only ones who understand true happiness. Just yesterday, I positively thought for my love slave/100% accurate biological clone of Carmen Elektra to have crabs, just so I could know what it feels like to be normal again...
SG1: Precisely. I thought maybe I would just put a few shots of us being really, really happy up on youtube myself, but our secret would NEVER reach everyone that way. We can't compete with that cute little Asian girl singing. She's just TOO CUTE.
SG2: Come on, just yesterday we positively thought ourselves on top of a HUGE pile of Scrooge McDuck gold coins. We can get through this...
SG1: You're right...right now I'm...thinking...hard...that Spielberg will call...that Eastwood will e-mail...that Scorcese will ring the doorbell with a box of cannolis and an open heart...
SG2: And I am...postiviely...thinking...that we can book Prime Time Productions for the gig...
SG1:Wait! THE Prime Time Productions?! The ones behind World's Greatest Commercials!? Like they would even consider working with us!
SG2: Well I think the tone they captured in Oz Encounters- UFOs in Australia is really what we're going for here.
SG1: I'm sold! Let's get our thinking caps on!


And now, your moment of zen. And by zen I mean bullshit. Confirm or deny: this clip features Wilmer Valderama and a Genie!?!WTF?!

5 comments:

Patrick said...

I bet $10 that evil Suri Cruise has something to do with this...

Jeanette said...

Interesting. I comment on YOUR blog and I bet my weight in gold. All you can offer is $10?! What is this, a cock fight in the Bronx?! Get outta hea.

Patrick said...

Listen, the odds on Suri Cruise are not that promising at the moment. It's that bitch Shiloh Nouvelle Jolie-Pitt that's really raking it in at the moment. Her head is HUGE. It's a noggin.

Also- Zahara does NOT like to share her chips-slash-crackers with Shiloh. Discuss.

Alanna said...

OMG I am now dying to see Australia Behaving Badly. Do you think it contains archive footage of any of the hundreds of Aboriginal massacres from the late 19th century?

Jeanette said...

No, but it does contain that midget that said he liked your boobs.