ANYWAY. Without further ado, the First Annual Boob Tubers Sweet 16 of TV Hotties:
1. Hugh Laurie as Dr. Gregory House (House, M.D.) At least 2 out of 3 female Boob Tubers would be willing to get rid of their strict, "exit only" policies for House's cane...
2. James Marsters as Spike (Buffy) He got a little funky toward the end there, but we remember him for his early days as a dashing, bleach-blond creature of the night who was just too sexy to stake.
3. Joe Lando as Byron Sully (Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman) Sure, there was only evidence of Sully bathing about once ever season, but that just made his buffalo hide pants stick to his sweet, sweet rump all the better.
4. Timothy Olyphant as Sheriff Seth Bullock (Deadwood) The hottest man to ever sport a handlebar mustache, Bullock nails society ladies and shoots bad guys with Wild Bill. Swoon.
5. David Cassidy as Keith Patridge (The Patridge Family) When you think you love him, there's nothing to be afraid, especially not being unsure of a love there is no cure for. (See what I did there? What? You don't? I'm the only one even remotely familiar with David Cassidy lyrics? OK.)
6. George Clooney as Dr. Doug Ross (E.R.) If he were my child's pediatrician, I'd dump the kid on the hubby and gallop off into the sunset with the doc.
7. Chris Meloni as Det. Eliot Stabler (Law and Order: SVU) We want Detective Stabler to specially victimize us with his unit.
8. Jason Lewis as Smith Jerrod (Sex and the City) Normally I trust a blonde man as far as I can throw him, but Smith Jerrod was a modern day Greek God for sure.
9. Tie: Jesse L. Martin and Benjamin Bratt as Det. Ed Green and Det. Rey Curtis (Law and Order) After Stabler, we'll take a dose of protecting and serving from these two any day.
10. Danny Gerard as Alan Silver (Brooklyn Bridge) So apparently Danny Gerard has disappeard off the face of the planet, leaving no photographic proof of his 1950s, slick hair, tucked in shirt cuteness. Take my word for it.
11. Josh Holloway as James "Sawyer" Ford (Lost) As television's most lovable prick, it's no surprise the Lost producers make Josh take off his shirt as much as possible.
12. Jared Leto as Jordan Catalano (My So-Called Life) Teen angst never felt so good, and never since has there been a TV high school student more worth popping a zit for.
13. Neil Forrester as Himself (The Real World: London) Neil was the most xhardcorex Real World housemate. Despite tongue amputations and pig hearts, we just knew there was an adorable softie somewhere in there.
14. B.D. Wong as Father Ray Mukada (Oz) You can't go wrong with a Gaysian priest in a maximum security prison.
15. Jake Epstein as Craig Manning (Degrassi: The Next Generation) We know you're wondering what we could be thinking aboot, putting a minor on this list… but Craig certainly has a way with the ladies, when he's not too busy having an "episode."
16. Adrian Grenier as Vincent Chase (Entourage) Sure, he is completely clueless and lacks any evidence of common sense, but when you look like him and hang out with only ugly guys, you're a prize.
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