Monday, August 07, 2006

Getting it off my chest

One of the downsides of having a complete idiot for a girlfriend is her tendency to post half-naked photos of you on her television blog. The good news is that I have several snapshots of the illustrious Jeanette in positions far more compromising than what is posted below. I have photos she doesn't even know about since they were taken while she was asleep or otherwise occupied in the bathroom of a Burger Heaven.

These photos will be making appearances in my periodic Sex and the City posts. They may seem apropos of nothing, but don't be fooled. Consider the preceding towel shot Pearl Harbor, and anticipate a series of Nagasakis and Hiroshimas in the coming months. Petty revenge or site traffic-improving gimmick? You decide.

Ultimately we must confront the reality that the internet has added permanence to our mundane daily lives. There was a time when I dreamed of running for alderman in Brooklyn's third ward. But with that easily searchable chest-bearing photo online for all the world to see, I suppose my political aspirations are finished. Or are they?

Truth be told I'm not really mad at Jeanette because I'm not ashamed of my body. And why should I be? I look half my age, which is quite an accomplishment when you're 23. Also, chest hair can be removed, which is more than I can say for the deep seated emotional problems that fester inside Jeanette like an infected sore.



Jeanette said...

By it, you didn't mean your hair, did you?

Matt said...

Dude! That's some chest hair for 23. I'm 31 and smooth as a baby's... whatever.

You need to go for "unconditional surrender."