Thursday, July 20, 2006

Which one are you?

During the first three seasons of Sex and the City a group of 15 year old girls couldn't have a slumber party without someone eventually popping the "Which one are you?" question. The way it's been, uh, explained to me is that somewhere in between Never Have I Ever and binging on malomars, some chick inevitably crawls out of her sleeping bag to announce that she most closely identifies with Miranda.

Science has shown that most girls say they're either Miranda or Charlotte. Girls romanticize life and want to see themselves grow up to be either successful career-women or perfect little homemaker princesses. Very few 15 year old girls want to admit they're going to turn into the world's biggest slut or a neurotic codependent who can't write a declarative sentence.

Part of the genius of the show was that female viewers lived primarily through Carrie (the character with whom they secretly identified) while still finding more positive identifications with the supporting cast. Women are complex beings and like to play tricks on their own sense of self awareness. Men are stupid and like beer as you know if you've seen According to Jim or any other show ever.

Also, men never play the "Which one are you?" game because we have more important things to do like confirm John Bolton's nomination to be U.N. ambassador. But if Kofi Annan is Carrie, then Bolton is Jack Burger. And since he's never going to work out his issues with international law, I wish he'd just submit his resignation post-it already.

And that's the story of the dumbest sentence ever written.

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