Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Last Comic Standing 6/27/06- Adam Carolla Has Vagina Slits Where His Ears Should Be

On this week's installment of the NBC alternative series resurrected, we said goodbye to Joey "I'm What Happens if Gilbert Gottfried and Donny from New Kids on the Block Had A Baby" Gay and Bill Dwyer.

This week, you could tell the comics wanted to go for the gold even MORE than usual. That's because the fillet mignon of all standups, Adam Carolla, was the moderator of their challenge. Oh, Adam Carolla. More than ever, I realize that when Jimmy Kimmel cut the umbilicle chord, he forgot to breast feed.

The comics were woken at 2:30 in the morning to be guests on Adam Carolla's morning, L.A. based radio show. Each were given a random magazine and twenty minutes to stew up sixty seconds worth of material on said magazine. As comedi-testant (haha I'm clever) Ty Bennett quipped, and I paraphrase, (open Britney Spears inappropriately used air quotes) I would rather swim across the ocean with Roz on one arm and Gabriel on the other than do this challenge. (close Britney Spears inappropriuately used air quotes) See below for images of Gabriel and Roz, respectively.

Well good thing the comedians were being judged by a fellow funny man slash mentor who could appreciate the challenge. That way, when Carolla told them they sucked, they knew it was TRUE! I mean, he WAS the host of TLC's "The Adam Carolla Project" in which he refurbished his childhood home. FUNNY STUFF! And he DID take his morning gig since he was already awake after staring longingly in the window of Jimmy Kimmel's after parties. Ziggy zaggy, Ziggy zaggy, hoi hoi hoi!

If Adam Carolla sucking is too much for you to wrap your brain around, then let this week's episode teach you something else: Anthony Clark is a puppet. Gone are the days of Jay Mohr's self deprication (although he does serve as a consultant to the show's fourth season). Instead we have to watch what happens when a down and out Charo is hired to do stage makeup for Clark, using nothing but an tomato paste and q-tips. The show cleverly made it seem as if Anthony Clark was getting a standing ovation as he introduced this week's elimination round, but what we couldn't hear was the edited out audience direction: go bananas if Anthony's a douchebag.


Anonymous said...

When I saw Last Comic Standing live in Las Vegas a few years back at the Paris, they would shoot the show during the day and have Jay Mohr headline in the showroom that night. Anyone could go to the taping for free, but tickets to see Jay Mohr were $60. Which was stupid, because he essentially did his standup act during breaks in the taping.

Anyway, during one of these breaks, he said he would give two free tickets for his show to the first woman in the audience who would show him her tits. Someone volunteered, and he called her up to the stage. He carefully positioned the woman so she had her back to the audience (there were, after all, children present). She started to remove her shirt, but then giggled and ran off stage.

The audience chortled, but Mohr was legitimately pissed off. "Fuck you!" he yelled. "Fucking cocktease."

So Anthony Clark might not be "funny" but at least he doesn't expect women to show him their tits in exchange for tickets to his mediocre standup act. Or maybe he does and we just don't know it yet.


Anonymous said...

ok i'm linking you, so link me!

entertainment addict in nyc

and as dan called it, you can refer to it as [culture]

Aaron Riccio said...

Okay, fine. Mohr might be a subhuman guy, but he *HAS* a personality, even if it is that of an asshole. Clark, on the other hand, looks terrified to be hosting. He looks ridiculous in all that makeup. And, being that he isn't funny at all, doesn't seem right for the show. Whoever wins the challenge and gets immunity should have to host the evening's competition. Now that most of the people I hate are off the show, I really have to wonder how Clark has a career at *ANYTHING*.

Jeanette said...

OOOH good call on the immunized person hosting the competition. NICE TWIST! Then all we need is Jeff Probst to make things run smoothly at comic tribal council.