On last Sunday's "Entourage," Vince (Adrian Grenier) was up to his usual, really, really, ridiculously good looking shennanigans; "Aquaman" was about to make eleventy schmaazillion dollars during its opening weekend, the low quality LA air still managed to have zero effect on Vince's tossled locks, and Vince still had no plans in the forseeable future to sleep with me (shame, becuase I could think of a thing or two that WOULD have an effect on those locks...).
Really, I'm not complaining. If you continue to read this blog (which you will, you WILL continue to read this blog, READ THIS BLOG! READ THIS BLOG!) you will probably catch on to the fact that all's well that ends well is fine with me in TV Land (God my first post and I already used that horrific nickname). If we have a low key season where the worst that happens is Turtle accidentally sleeps with a butterface, then fine by me!
So with our NY gang hanging out in their own Shangri-LA (HA, see what I did there?) what stood out to me most on last Sunday's episode was this guy, playing one of the high school losers taken under Vince's wing:
His real life name is Adam Wylie. His TV Land name is that awkward looking, skinny, freckly white kid who start out well on a critically acclaimed series (Picket Fences) and has now stooped to Sylvan Learning Center Commercials*.
My proverbial hat is off to you, Adam. When you were little, it was endearing to compare your ears to Dumbo's and say how distinguished you will look when you grow into them. Now that you are in your early twenties and never did, kudos to you for having steadily worked. Seriously, IMDB this bloke and not a calendar year has gone by where he isn't at least guest starring in your cousin's bat mitzfah video.
Take 1997, for instance. Adam crossed his fingers and toes for Emmy as he bit off some roles that made Olivier jealous in "Crayola Kids Adventures," a short lived Saturday morning institution that piggybacked "Wishbone's" success in recreating literature for a boob tube-matized crowd of younguns. I, personally, boycotted out of dismay that Crayola had rejected my new crayon color name: Anal Sex Orange.
There was a faint glimmer of hope for Adam in 1999 when he guest starred on MTV's scantily clad primetime soap, "Undressed." Ah, I can just imagine the conversation with his agent now:
Adam's Agent: Adam, baby, talk to me...
AA: Undressed, are we doing this, yes or no?!
Adam: Undressed? Awesome! I haven't been keeping at teeball all these years for nothing! Check out my muscles! Why, I bet I could beat Jonathan Taylor Thomas at everything by this point!!!
AA: Haha EARTH TO ADAM! You clearly will be playing Innuk, the naked, sexy teens' Inuit Friend from the north. Apparently MTV needs some diversity in their programming for some FCC regulation. Oh wait, I gotta take this call...It's Jonathan Brandis, and you KNOW how he gets when I don't find him work.
Oh Adam, the last time the kids at school thought you were cool, they were also hitting each other with slap bracelets. But that's okay. Hopefully Adrien let you at least rub his belly on set for enough time to get some career luck before he called the cops
*Note: I don't think he was ever in one of these commercials, but I just wanted to take the opportunity while I had somewhat of a forum to point out how nauseating this ad campaign is. If my kid ever gives me a "good" report card for a birthday present, I will rip it up and shove it down his Ninja Turtle boxer briefs.