What Could Have Been

I have known for some time now that, other than Paul, the best man for me would be my high school English teacher. He made no effort to hide his favoritism for me throughout senior year, and now that my opportunity to take advantage has come and gone, I sit here reading what he wrote in my yearbook. To me, it pretty much reads jump my bones. What do you think? Humor me.

Dear Satan Cake,

I enjoyed having you in class and reading better than any student. Some of them grew tired of your voice but what can I say about dopes. You are a wonderful person--intelligent, funny and talented. Hope you enjoy [insert name of college attended] and please return to the pit to visit me next year so we can make fun of your college professors.

Take care,
[insert name of most awesome man alive]

P.S. I'm also glad that you have strong ideas and you are not reluctant to slam people with them.

See?! Calls me a pet name (based on the fact that I read Milton's PARADISE LOST out loud to the class, at his request). And look at that P.S. He LOVES that I am a huge bitch.

I half want to post his name. I'm sure he googles himself, and I'm doubly sure that once he knows I LURVE him he will call. Or comment.

To keep things on topic, enjoy this hilarious parody of the NY Times weekender commercials, which he would love, brought to you by the genius minds of Stella: