HAHA Box Office

That is what HBO should stand for, at least on Sunday nights. This is not referring to Entourage. You laugh at Entourage and you're a simpleton. But if you are a simpleton, get ready, as Entourage was just renewed for a sixth season.

Instead, HA-B-O refers to the back to back airings of Little Britain USA and The Life and Times of Tim.

It took me until this, its second week, to like Little Britain USA. I had only seen the original when living in its namesake country a few years back, and even then only in my altered state of mind that seemed to last for my entire four months overseas. I thought that it was, of course, funny, but sometimes I worry that I see lowbrow, British comedy and just assume that it is sophisticated because it is British. Couple this with the fact that I was kind of resentful of the juxtaposition of British vs. American culture, in which both came out looking foolish but perhaps Americans a bit more so. But fuck it. I can't stop laughing at Phyllis and Mr. Doggy. Please watch below and tell me whether or not this makes me an Entourage simpleton.



And then there is The Life and Times of Tim, whose inappropriately grandiose name makes the minuscule antics that Tim handles in his hilarious monotone even more funny. Like a lot of people becoming successful in entertainment, Tim's creator, Steve Dildarian, came from the ad world--just a little reminder that the creatives in television could use a bit of a shake up. In a lot of ways, Tim successfully outshines the Seinfeld crew in his un-politically correct apathy. OMFG, no she didn't criticize Seinfeld! Yes, I did.

HBO-a-go-go

I have a very strong like-hate relationship with Entourage, premiering its 5th season this Sunday night at 10 PM. Despite the fact that it is one of the most flawed pieces of television out there, I watch it religiously. Whenever I find myself reaching new levels of disgust at the flagrant displays of sexism, I remember how hot Adrian Grenier is. Whenever I find myself clutching my stomach at the horrendous acting skills of Jerry Ferrara and Kevin Connolly, I again remember how hot Adrian Grenier is. Jerry in particular is so bad, back when The Sopranos was still on as a showcase for Jamie-Lynn Sigler's comparably vomitrotious acting, you may recall that I toyed with pitching HBO a reality spin off called Acting School, in which the pair would learn not to suck quite so much. But it's all good, because, and argue me on this if you must, Adrian Grenier is the most perfect male, human specimen, even when he spent an entire half of last season dressed up as Pablo Escobar/Tony Clifton.



But last week, it was hard to quell the feeling of full on rage that thinking about Entourage usually instills in me. Getting of the elevated subway just blocks from Alanna's home, I was faced with the commotion of a location set. I looked yonder to see a local bar with a fake sing hung above that read Johnny Drama's. With no Adrian in sight and only the slightly off-kilter mug of Kevin Dillon to look at, it was attitude city when a full of himself PA directed me to a different set of stairs FOR NO REASON. I mean seriously, nothing was happening in the area he was keeping clear; I at least expected to see Jeremy Piven taking a shit there or something. As Alanna and I walked by and filming wrapped, Kevin Dillion yelled out, "Thank you, Queens!," and under my breath, I muttered, "For what..."


If you're looking for something to pregame with before Entourage, you might as well keep your dial on HBO all night and catch Alan Ball's newest creation True Blood, premiering at 9 PM. My love for Ball coupled with my mild vampire-on-TV fetish made me salivate with anticipation after reading this script, but when I watched the first episode, it did not translate so well to the small screen. A clever ad campaign pushing True Blood, a delicious and nutritious blood subsitute meant to prevent vampires from killing people, has created buzz, though. And because this is HBO (pay television) and nothing ever gets canceled, you can at least get invested without worrying about cancellation blue balls. Plus, there is always the intense portrayal of vampire on human sex about halfway through the episode to look forward to--if you're into that sort of thing.

HBO Whitewashes "Wounded Knee"

The trailers for HBO's upcoming film "Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee," based on the nonfiction book by Dee Brown that became a bestseller in the 1970s, make it look quite promising. But according to an article in the NY Times, there will be inaccuracies aplenty in this made-for-TV interpretation.

The book, which I haven't read, is apparently an anecdotal retelling of the persecution of the Sioux in the late 19th century, focusing entirely on the American Indians' perspective. The movie, on the other hand, greatly enlarges the role of a half-Sioux, half-white character, sticking him in places where he never went, and giving him a fictional, white love interest. The film's creators are doing this because they believe today's white audiences won't watch a Wounded Knee adaptation unless there are some palefaces for them to latch onto.

Quoth the Times:

“Everyone felt very strongly that we needed a white character or a part-white, part-Indian character to carry a contemporary white audience through this project,” Daniel Giat, the writer who adapted the book for HBO Films, told a group of television writers earlier this year.

This doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. Considering that this book was a blockbuster hit to audiences THIRTY YEARS AGO, what makes the HBO folks think that viewers can't handle an all-American Indian cast today?

I'm fine with some tweaking of history if it's for discernible aesthetic or entertainment value. HBO did just this with Deadwood and Rome to great effect. But the idea that the story needs to be whitewashed to get good ratings just doesn't sit well with me.

Another perspective, from the article again:

Nicolas Proctor, Mr. Brown’s grandson and one of three people who oversees his estate, as well as an associate professor of history at Simpson College in Iowa, said that as a historian he was “always kind of shocked that history is not moving enough, is not evocative enough and rich enough to keep people from having to get in there and start monkeying around with it.”

What do you think, commenters? Was this a necessary move on HBO's part?

The Sopranos Effect

My friend Josh has a theory that the plots of the films Donnie Brasco and Mean Girls are essentially the same. After all, what are mob families but grimmer versions of high school cliques? Many of the themes that run throughout the greatest mob stories can be found in unexpected places.

Love or hate The Sopranos (I'm looking at you, Johnny), there's no denying that it is a series that changed television. It altered the way that we perceive the rules for a TV series, what kind of content and characters we think are allowed to appear on the small screen. I've heard Tony Soprano compared to Archie Bunker, but Archie Bunker never strangled a man to death while visiting colleges with his daughter. Archie never cheated on his wife with a one-legged Russian. Having an antihero as a series' protagonist has been done, but criminals and sociopaths? Not so much. Say thank you, creators of Dexter, Weeds, Deadwood, The Riches, and House.

HBO certainly ran with the complex-baddie-as-main-character format. Deadwood's Al Swearengen and Rome's Lucius Vorenus are basically the Tony Sopranos of their respective historical periods. If you need confirmation, watch the "Gangs and Organized Crime" supplement to Rome on your HBO On Demand. The special outlines how the Mafia was born in ancient Rome's collegia, which were guilds run by powerful gangsters. Because there was no police force then, the collegia controlled the streets. Like the Mafia, collegia members protected local residents and gave charity to the poor, but they also were responsible for the brutal murders of those who resisted them.



And like Tony & Co., we see on Rome that the men of the collegia were deeply religious, though with less Jesus and more Janus. In fact, Vorenus is not taken seriously by rival collegia until he declares himself a "son of Hades." Then it becomes clear that he is not fucking around, because hey, the god of the underworld is the ultimate villain with whom to align yourself. Respect gained, Vorenus then saw visitors who would make requests of him, Don Corleone style.

I'm also convinced that on Lost, The Others are a kind of South Pacific mafia. Their name alone evokes several qualities associated with the mob: exclusivity, mystery, power. They are structured in a manner identical to mob families, that is, like a small dictatorship. Ben Linus (formerly Henry Gale) is the all knowing leader. His underlings secretly infiltrate and subvert the survivors, like in The Departed. They deem particular survivors as among "the good ones," presumably worthy of joining them. Locke is one of the chosen few and, based on the last episode, has come over to their side. Whether he will be made a capo remains to be seen.

Perhaps these shows are simply reflecting society in a funhouse mirror, offering exaggerated interpretations of our own tendencies to form insular posses in order to feel secure. What do you think, readers? What are other shows that are really mob stories?

WWHBOD? Answered!

The NY Times, obviously staying abreast of our concerns here at the trend-making Boob Tubers, ran an article today about HBO's plans for keeping subscribers around after The Sopranos finale airs.

Chief Exec Chris Albrecht, also known as the Scourge of Deadwood, seems in deep denial highly optimistic about the cable channel's prospects.

So says the article,

Mr. Albrecht said HBO was promising its customers the channel would deliver “the goods,” which he defined as “something you can’t get anywhere else.”


If by "goods" he means "bizarre foreign knock-offs" and "surf noir," then yeah, I suppose you won't find those anywhere else. Chris & Co. will be satisfying their viewers' need for shows about "the zen of surfing," "quantum physics," "a singing duo from New Zealand" and "Lily Tomlin." Speaking of Lily Tomlin, I imagine she could use the support right now.

As dubious as all this sounds, I'm going to hang in there with HBO. Considering I not only tolerate, but enjoy repeat episodes of Degrassi: The Next Generation, I think I can tough it out even if "the goods" backfire.

TV Gets Gypped, WWHBOD?

Howdy howdy howdy! It's been a while, as I've been wandering the countryside much in the style of a Gypsy. Which is such a coincidence, because the first half of my post today is about Gypsies, or rather, the recent spike in Gypsy representation on television.

Full disclosure: I have some Gypsy in me. My great-great grandmother was all about Bohemia back when it was an actual place rather than something from a Rent song.

OK, OK, time to make a disclaimer before the Gypsy population of West Bushwick or wherever decides to flood this blog with complaints. (Edited to add disclaimer: Nothing in this blog is serious, except for the fact that shows about Gypsies exist. Oh, also the paragraph about mythologizing.) It's just weird because I've noticed a lot more Gypsies on TV than there used to be. Oh, and they prefer to be called Roma (because they roam-a around a lot! hahahaha!)

First was on House, in which a young Gypsy boy falls mysteriously, yet predictably ill, and his relatives stupidly, yet predictably fight House on his treatment. The boy's family are funkily dressed, vaguely ethnic weirdos who seem to have missed the boat on modern medicine despite living in suburban New Jersey. The father chews on toothpicks like a shady used car salesman and they all hate the boy's honky girlfriend. In fact, they refer to all honkies by a word I forgot - let's say it's Groosalug - that probably means "The Less Swarthy Ones Who Shall Not Be Named."

Now, on FX's new series The Riches, Eddie Izzard plays the patriarch of a Gypsy family that moves into some dead people's mansion and pretends its theirs. First of all, who knew there were so many Gypsies in the United States? I thought they were all flirting with Juliette Binoche in quaint French towns. Second, wouldn't a sweet manse like that go on the market right away, outting the squatters before they could say "American Dream"? Third, are Gypsies the new Little People? That is, a widely mythologized and misunderstood group of people for us normals to become fascinated with? If so, feel free to feature me in your new series, "Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves," FOX Reality!




Another question on my mind lately is WWHBOD, that is, What Will HBO Do? In just a few months everyone's favorite curse-words-and-graphic-sex channel will be out of decent programs. They've axed Deadwood, Rome will end once Octavian becomes Emperor in two weeks, and The Sopranos - which has nose dived in quality anyway - will air its final nine episodes in May. After that, HBO doesn't have a leg to stand on, unless you consider Entourage a leg. (Which I don't. It's a trifle.) Deadwood's David Milch is currently developing a series called John from Cincinatti, which he describes as a "surf noir," and I describe as a "How? What? How?" I don't know, guys. Will the ol' Home Box Office get overpowered by Showtime or HBO Lite, as I like to call FX?

Sunday / Monday night lights

Wowee wow wow, as Borat would say, it's like the execs at Fox are reading this blog! This is why I'd like to use this space to thank Rupert Murdoch for casting Paul McCrane as Jack's brother on 24. Rupes must know from a previous entry that I love the formerly red Afro'ed PMC from his work on ER, and he thusly cast him as Jack's evil twin. Never mind that they resemble each other in the way that I resemble Dennis Rodman. I trust that PMC will add some much-needed snark to an otherwise humorless show, full of nuclear expolosions in LA (who needed that place, anyway?) and Jack crying!?!

Moving over to the ol' Home Box Office, I've been enjoying this second and final season of Rome muchly. The first two episodes have blown all of the last season out of the water in terms of quality and entertainment value. With Caesar murdered, everyone is going batshit crazy. A kind of proto-Mafia is warring in the city (one captain is killed by being put in a bag full of SNAKES and then drowned.) Mark Antony is trying to keep the young, effete, but highly intelligent Octavian from his inheritance as Caesar's adopted son, and Cleopatra is swooping in majestically with lots of eyeliner on to make Mark Antony's f*ckbuddy, Atia, go insane with jealousy. Best line from Atia to Cleo? "Die screaming, you pig-spawned trollop." I'm waiting for the opportunity to use that turn of phrase myself.

Rome is no Deadwood, but it's appealing in many ways, one of which being that I can actually understand all the political machinations taking place. Thank God for HBO teaching me about such varied historical periods as ancient Rome and the Old West, because I certainly napped through every high school history class I ever took. And when learning about the troubled years before the formation of the Triumvirate involves seeing Mark Antony's c*ck repeatedly, count me in. Because he's hot, in an aging British guy sort of way.

Green-Colored Spotlight On: Dean Winters

Green-colored because you really can't get any more Irish than this familiar TV actor. You would think that Jeanette would be a more appropriate author for this entry. WRONG you would be. It is a little known fact that this Jewess has dabbled amongst the leprechauns. I just can't help myself. I find both freckles and Catholic guilt very alluring.

Of late, Dean has played affable, slightly dim micks on shows like Rescue Me and 30 Rock. He must be a good sport, because his IMDB profile indicates that he is in fact a well-traveled college graduate and not, for instance, a beeper salesman or Denis Leary's drunk adultering brother.

I first encountered Dean in a very different role, as Ryan O'Reily (seriously) on HBO's prison drama Oz, a show grittier than a sandbox full of broken glass. I learned many things from Ryan: how to manipulate hardened rapists and murderers like a modern day, really cute Iago; how to seduce the Latina prison doctor after having your brother kill her husband; how to survive shootings, gas explosions, and solitary confinement. I should also mention that whenever someone is thrown into solitary confinement on Oz, they are naked. And creator Tom Fontana never shied away from showing us that. Seriously people, what are you waiting for? Netflix that sh*t.

If all that doesn't cement Dean's coolness in your minds, consider this. He was on Law and Order: SVU back in the heady days of the '99/'00 season, and managed in his brief, glorious tenure as Det. Cassidy to nail Olivia Benson. That's something even Chris Meloni (who also starred on Oz) hasn't managed to do.