What you are doing this weekend

You are watching the season premiere of Saturday Night Live on NBC. Michael "Butthisface" Phelps promises to be about as charismatic as any athlete that's ever hosted the show, but it's the season opener in what should be a very exciting few months leading up to the election. Elusive Lorne Michaels won't confirm or deny Tina Fey's return to play Sarah "Bulldog" Palin (Interesting note: Bulldogs are incapable of grooming their own assholes. Frequently, owners find themselves wiping the area on their own. Are we ready ready for a President AND Vice President that can't wipe their own asses? No.). Also stay tuned this season to see if Michaels is successful in his begging of Maya Rudolph to come back and play Michelle Obama.

Newest featured player Bobby Moynihan (pictured left) will also be making his debut. Another writer/performer to come from the Upright Citizen's Brigade theater, complete with an "I don't give a crap" gut and scruffy hair, my pal Kara is most likely correct in her assessment that he will play a role similar to Horatio Sanz. Keep your eyes open for a yet to be named, female featured player to take Amy Poehler's place when she leaves to pop out the world's funniest baby and star on The Office spinoff in November.

You are also routing for my pal Jennifer McNamara Shroff to win the Emmy this weekend for her brilliant job casting 30 Rock. Her nabbing of Dean Winters alone is enough to secure the statue. Check Sunday to see how she did along with everyone else nominated for this years Creative Arts Emmys.

And you are getting shitfaced drunk. No wait, that's me.