HEY watch this videos.
The first is Pat and Carolyn expertly trolling the red carpet at last night's event celebrating Oxygen now airing past cycles of AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL. I think Jaslene might have taken some lessons with Henry Higgins or something; she sounds less Helen Keller and more Helen...a Bonham Carter? I think I stretched too far for symmetry there...
The second is a video of mine and Vivian's cats, who are REALLY excited for the pending release of the Notorious B.I.G biopic. Especially Teagan, because she's so gangsta.
SimulCATS in Simulcast: Episode 2 from Quailhead on Vimeo.
Showing posts with label america's next top model. Show all posts
Showing posts with label america's next top model. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Wedneseality
That's what happens when you combine Wednesday and reality. Let's recap.
On Project Runw
ay, guest judge Diane von Furstenberg challenged the contestants to make a look for her fall line, inspired by the film An Affair to Remember. So I know that I have the fashion sense of a blind woman who lets her guide dog pick out her outfits, but to me Diane is not a fashion legend. She introduced the world to the wrap dress and other assorted floral looks that now litter the racks of your local Dress Barn, or better yet Chicos, the store that gave Michael Phelps' mom an endorsement deal inspired by her matronly olympic look. But whatever, I guess I don't know anything because Kenley wouldn't stop crying with joy the whole episode. Anyway, it was Leanne for the win, two weeks running, and Stella got the [leather] boot. Leanne's winning design is pictured left. I really like it. I hope that my guide dog sniffs it out of the closet for me to wear one day.
On Project Runw
ay, guest judge Diane von Furstenberg challenged the contestants to make a look for her fall line, inspired by the film An Affair to Remember. So I know that I have the fashion sense of a blind woman who lets her guide dog pick out her outfits, but to me Diane is not a fashion legend. She introduced the world to the wrap dress and other assorted floral looks that now litter the racks of your local Dress Barn, or better yet Chicos, the store that gave Michael Phelps' mom an endorsement deal inspired by her matronly olympic look. But whatever, I guess I don't know anything because Kenley wouldn't stop crying with joy the whole episode. Anyway, it was Leanne for the win, two weeks running, and Stella got the [leather] boot. Leanne's winning design is pictured left. I really like it. I hope that my guide dog sniffs it out of the closet for me to wear one day.
File this next one under ABSURDLY EXCITING television news. Grant, Jason and the TAPS team were back on SciFi last night with all new episodes in the second half of the fourth season of Ghost Hunters. I love these guys. They're like America's blue collar heroes. I wonder if Bruce Springsteen will ever write a song about them. I'll start thinking of words that rhyme with Grant and Jason.
And in picking up Alanna's slack news, America's Next Top Model's 11th cycle premiered last night featuring
the first ever actual transexual contestant--not just some bitchy chick with high cheekbones that gets a bad wrap from Miss Jay. Isis was featured in a photo shoot last cycle. You remember, the one where Tyra had the girls pretend to be homeless in front of actual homeless girls. NICE! Tyra decided to bring Isis back to try her hand at actual modeling, not just homeless modeling. Huh. Tyra has been accused of "tampering with the evidence" before; remember how Saleisha won cycle nine after attending Tyra Banks' Modeling Summer Camp for Really Hot Crazy Girls, or whatever its called? Now she is dragging an individual who has obviously led a somewhat troubled life into her Hot Mess Circus, just for the shock value of having a transexual. Is this morally responsible? How much of an actual career in HIGH FASHION modeling can a transexual hope for? And how long until the townspeople finally take their torches up the mountain, cross the moat, push down the barricades and kill Tyra?
the first ever actual transexual contestant--not just some bitchy chick with high cheekbones that gets a bad wrap from Miss Jay. Isis was featured in a photo shoot last cycle. You remember, the one where Tyra had the girls pretend to be homeless in front of actual homeless girls. NICE! Tyra decided to bring Isis back to try her hand at actual modeling, not just homeless modeling. Huh. Tyra has been accused of "tampering with the evidence" before; remember how Saleisha won cycle nine after attending Tyra Banks' Modeling Summer Camp for Really Hot Crazy Girls, or whatever its called? Now she is dragging an individual who has obviously led a somewhat troubled life into her Hot Mess Circus, just for the shock value of having a transexual. Is this morally responsible? How much of an actual career in HIGH FASHION modeling can a transexual hope for? And how long until the townspeople finally take their torches up the mountain, cross the moat, push down the barricades and kill Tyra?For a more thorough look at ANTM, check out the illustrious Carolyn and Pat at A Blog About Things.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Fee-yarce
My boyfriend told me yesterday that at times, I can be quite "fierce." (Yes, I have a boyfriend now, which may explain my long hiatus from this blog. That's right. I've been having sex non-stop for the past THREE MONTHS. Boy, am I tired.) What he said made me think of how often that word is thrown around on America's Next Top Model, (pronounced "fee-yarce") and how it doesn't seem to mean anything, really.
It's no surprise that Tyra Banks doesn't understand English, considering that she recently pronounced Asperger's Ahs-pur-jers and that when she had the opportunity to interview Barack Obama, she asked him if she and her mother could have a sleepover party in the Lincoln bedroom. I don't know why this woman is allowed to have multiple TV shows. The only useful thing she has ever done for my life was to give me a shade upon which to base my ultimate cup of coffee. ("Milk and sugar?" "Yeah, make it about Tyra color.")
The model wannabes are increasingly despicable as well, now mocking the disabled and each other's thigh fat (which: what fat??). The only two likeable girls are Heather, who has Asperger's (which: if that means not being able to relate to the other contestants, then I also have Asperger's) and Victoria, the awkward nerdy Yale student. I will watch tonight's episode because it's the makeover one, which is always my favorite, because it leaves me feeling immensely self-satisfied after I correctly predict who will cry at their new haircut.
House, meanwhile, was EXCELLENT last night, inducing Jeanette and I to cry over the clearly manipulative final dog scene. This season's format of auditioning new fellows, Survivor-style, is doing it for me, despite the fact that there's no suspense that Kal Penn's character will be hired. It's also looking like Foreman will return. He has never helped me with my coffee, but he is my favorite second banana character and there's a definite gap in the show without him.
Spoilery nitpick: no way would that dog have eaten the pills off the floor. Having cared for that man for so long, it certainly would have been trained to avoid spilled medication.
Also, as much as I love my cat, dogs > cats.
It's no surprise that Tyra Banks doesn't understand English, considering that she recently pronounced Asperger's Ahs-pur-jers and that when she had the opportunity to interview Barack Obama, she asked him if she and her mother could have a sleepover party in the Lincoln bedroom. I don't know why this woman is allowed to have multiple TV shows. The only useful thing she has ever done for my life was to give me a shade upon which to base my ultimate cup of coffee. ("Milk and sugar?" "Yeah, make it about Tyra color.")
The model wannabes are increasingly despicable as well, now mocking the disabled and each other's thigh fat (which: what fat??). The only two likeable girls are Heather, who has Asperger's (which: if that means not being able to relate to the other contestants, then I also have Asperger's) and Victoria, the awkward nerdy Yale student. I will watch tonight's episode because it's the makeover one, which is always my favorite, because it leaves me feeling immensely self-satisfied after I correctly predict who will cry at their new haircut.
House, meanwhile, was EXCELLENT last night, inducing Jeanette and I to cry over the clearly manipulative final dog scene. This season's format of auditioning new fellows, Survivor-style, is doing it for me, despite the fact that there's no suspense that Kal Penn's character will be hired. It's also looking like Foreman will return. He has never helped me with my coffee, but he is my favorite second banana character and there's a definite gap in the show without him.
Spoilery nitpick: no way would that dog have eaten the pills off the floor. Having cared for that man for so long, it certainly would have been trained to avoid spilled medication.
Also, as much as I love my cat, dogs > cats.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
ANTM/Lost Recap
I have decided that henceforth, when there are two shows to blog about on the same night, I will write a recap in the style of the old New Yorker film reviews: that is, attempt to link two very different shows in one piece, using a lot of B.S. about their respective themes, which I will make up.
Since the dawn of television, serial dramas have used the deaths of main characters to bolster ratings, generate discussion, and attract attention. This has become so common and familiar a practice that TV writers seem to believe that they have to kill off at least one protagonist a season, like a sacrifice to the Nielsen gods. Competitive reality television has adopted the same process, but to an even greater degree: each week, someone is ritualistically sent home, their exile from the competition a stand-in for death.
Last night was the finale of Cycle 8 of America's Next Top Model, and the penultimate episode of Lost's third season. Both episodes made promises to their audiences, and one was kept and one broken. Each ANTM guarantees a loss, often made predictable through clunky editing. On Lost, the spectre of Charlie's death has been growing with each week, as Desmond repeatedly sees flashes promising a grisly end for the former hobbit. Desmond saves him each time, but has said himself that eventually Charlie has to die, that he won't be able to prevent it.
Last night was a Charlie flashback, and that alone could be hazardous to one's health. When Desmond told Charlie that he envisioned him flipping a switch, then drowning, which somehow enabled the rescue of Claire and Aaron, it became clear that after much promise, Charlie would leave Craphole Island for good. However, a series of random flashbacks highligting Charlie's "greatest hits" - the best moments of his life - and some poignant moments with Claire and Hurley led to Charlie swimming down to the Looking Glass Station to discover the station was not flooded. "I'm alive!" he shouted, and summoned several attractive women with guns. Fin. Huh.
I will extrapolate that perhaps Charlie's death was not as simple as a flip and drown, and Desmond did not want to tell him the gruesome extent of it, because that would prevent Charlie from following through with his final heroic moment. But if the Lost writers really want to prolong Charlie's demise for another episode - and by now he HAS to die, according to Chekhov's rule - there better be a damn good reason for it.
Meanwhile, ANTM's finale featured two deaths, as two models were sent home for being - well, what exactly? Renee and Natasha are clearly not inferior to Jaslene, who, like Kate on Lost, seems capable of making only one facial expression. (And, not to be catty, but she looks like a performer at Lucky Cheng's.) I find comfort in the fact that the ANTM winner, like the sole survivor of a plane crash, is treated with suspicion by the real world. Typically, the runners-up find much greater modeling success once they've left TV Land. Hopefully, Dominic Monaghan, who plays Charlie, will do the same. While I've never liked his character, he is one of the stronger actors on the show. Maybe he can branch out from his magical creature / magical island oeuvre.
Since the dawn of television, serial dramas have used the deaths of main characters to bolster ratings, generate discussion, and attract attention. This has become so common and familiar a practice that TV writers seem to believe that they have to kill off at least one protagonist a season, like a sacrifice to the Nielsen gods. Competitive reality television has adopted the same process, but to an even greater degree: each week, someone is ritualistically sent home, their exile from the competition a stand-in for death.
Last night was the finale of Cycle 8 of America's Next Top Model, and the penultimate episode of Lost's third season. Both episodes made promises to their audiences, and one was kept and one broken. Each ANTM guarantees a loss, often made predictable through clunky editing. On Lost, the spectre of Charlie's death has been growing with each week, as Desmond repeatedly sees flashes promising a grisly end for the former hobbit. Desmond saves him each time, but has said himself that eventually Charlie has to die, that he won't be able to prevent it.
Last night was a Charlie flashback, and that alone could be hazardous to one's health. When Desmond told Charlie that he envisioned him flipping a switch, then drowning, which somehow enabled the rescue of Claire and Aaron, it became clear that after much promise, Charlie would leave Craphole Island for good. However, a series of random flashbacks highligting Charlie's "greatest hits" - the best moments of his life - and some poignant moments with Claire and Hurley led to Charlie swimming down to the Looking Glass Station to discover the station was not flooded. "I'm alive!" he shouted, and summoned several attractive women with guns. Fin. Huh.I will extrapolate that perhaps Charlie's death was not as simple as a flip and drown, and Desmond did not want to tell him the gruesome extent of it, because that would prevent Charlie from following through with his final heroic moment. But if the Lost writers really want to prolong Charlie's demise for another episode - and by now he HAS to die, according to Chekhov's rule - there better be a damn good reason for it.
Meanwhile, ANTM's finale featured two deaths, as two models were sent home for being - well, what exactly? Renee and Natasha are clearly not inferior to Jaslene, who, like Kate on Lost, seems capable of making only one facial expression. (And, not to be catty, but she looks like a performer at Lucky Cheng's.) I find comfort in the fact that the ANTM winner, like the sole survivor of a plane crash, is treated with suspicion by the real world. Typically, the runners-up find much greater modeling success once they've left TV Land. Hopefully, Dominic Monaghan, who plays Charlie, will do the same. While I've never liked his character, he is one of the stronger actors on the show. Maybe he can branch out from his magical creature / magical island oeuvre.
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